So, I found another donor and guess what, his celebrity look-a-like was Jason Momoa. Yep, none other than Khal Drogo. Needless to say, I was excited about this particular donor's genetic makeup. I think I was mostly looking forward to the possibility of my little one not having to deal with fair skin all their life, like I did. Spending all that time and money on sunscreen and worrying about skin cancer and wrinkles can kind of ruin the fun of being in the sun. And I love being in the sun. I happily showed up at the doctor's office ready to make the second attempt at motherhood and wouldn't you know it, the labs came back with my particular sample's stats, not in my favor. Unfortunately, this guy's swimmers were few and far between. Ideally, the sample needs to have at least 10 million swimmers and this sample had 3.2 million. Well, we were already there, ovulating and all that, so I went ahead with the procedure. I mean, it only takes one right? Not a single little guy made it to his destination. Believe it or not, AquaMan did not make it to the finish line (Guess what actor is set to be the next Aqua Man?). So, now what? Well, I was in no way under the delusion that it was going to happen right away. I was still in it for the long haul but could use a break.
That following weekend I had signed up for a review of a weekend personal growth seminar called the Landmark Forum. I had taken it for the first time back in 2007 and it was a great experience. I thought that it was a great time to get more clarity, as well as, a great opportunity to acquire more tools for my Clarity Coaching Business. I had no idea what I would walk away with this time around but I was excited for all the potential possibilities. I got my wish, my life has been turned upside down, in the best way ever. There is so much I could say about Landmark and how the work helped me get here, but I currently just want to share the results and let them speak for themselves.
Somehow along the way, I had, in a way, given up on the possibility of finding my person and starting a family. It is one thing to know your situation i.e. time is running out and going at it alone is a good option, but it is another to give up. I had also decided that online dating was gross, that people are supposed to meet in person, and I realized that this thought was essentially putting a huge limitation on my potential to find the amazing partner that I deserved. So I created a new possibility. By letting go of old thoughts and ways of being followed by creating a new thought/possibility, doors opened, and avenues that weren't even visible to me become opportunities. I created that I would find my person and start a family with them by my next birthday, which is May 24th, by the way. I like chocolate with caramel, yellow daffodils, and personal growth books, just fyi.
Oh, and I also created that online dating could be fun. I downloaded all the dating apps and made a killer profile. And when I say killer profile, I mean great pictures, awesome content, but most importantly, I took the time to get really clear with what I wanted in a partner and I swiped accordingly. It is important to note that I have been doing a lot of work on myself over the years and especially in the recent past and I think there is some truth in the idea that you have to be the person worthy of your ideal partner. I think there is a lot of value in starting there before any of this other stuff. How I got clear with who my ideal partner was: I made a lot of mistakes and got clear with who my ideal partner wasn't. Unfortunately, I half-manifested the perfect partner several times. (I know that sounds bad), I realized that one of my biggest strong suits, that of being accepting of people, actually was getting in my way of finding true happiness. It is one thing to be accepting and it is another to honor yourself enough to have realistic standards, expectations and boundaries. The gift is that I see people for who they are underneath all their bullshit, and I love them anyway. But I really wanted someone who was a whole healthy human that had their shit together and was ready to share a mutually supportive loving life together.
So, I sat down with a pen and paper and wrote on the last two pages of my daily journal who my person was and how they made me feel. I created a crystal grid with that intention, as well, to help get the universe on board with my hunt. And lastly, I wrote at the beginning of my dating profile what I was really up to: "I am looking for my person and ready to start a family". And sure enough, I started chatting with a few gentlemen who asked great questions, were good listeners, had good jobs, had lived full lives, had great stories, seemed interested in me and my life and oddly several lived in Dallas. Well, that was unexpected.
A month prior, I had decided to take part of my Landmark course in Dallas and come to find out when you are swiping right in another city you get potential candidates from that area. In getting clear with what I really wanted, I also got clear with it showing up in a very different way. I started swiping right on guys in different cities, guys with kids, guys with different looks, religions etc.
So, let's get to the good stuff shall we? I had gone on a few dates with a few interesting men. However, the especially notable date happened on Christmas Eve. Well that's fun and different. So, needless to say we hit it off. His name is Christian, he has seriously soulful eyes, a great beard, he smells amazing (beard oil ya'll, take notes), he has a beautiful and fun 3.5 year old daughter named Elliot, he is a fantastic father, and he makes me laugh. That was the biggest surprise. Sure he fits all the wonderful characteristics I manifested in my journal but I didn't even know how humor could add so much to a relationship. But most importantly I truly feel cherished and valued by him. It is the most refreshing feeling ever. It feels like a weight has been lifted. Like, "I knew I was awesome, thanks for noticing." So, fortunately, my Landmark course requires me to be in Dallas every Thursday, so Christian and I have been able to build something beautiful in a very big way, very quickly. He came to his first dance event and he handled the energy and the many enthusiastic greetings from my friends gracefully. And if anyone asks that doesn't read my blog, he and I met fishing aka on the Plenty of Fish dating app.
It is all happening very fast but in a very mindful way. I feel super blessed to start the year off on the arm of this amazing man and I am enamored with his lovely daughter. I cannot wait to see how the year unfolds. In the wake of all this clarity and the many new developments, a thought comes strongly to the forefront. "It was all meant to happen this way". I was meant to walk through all of the experiences in my past exactly as I did, and this thought gives me solace in dealing with anything in the future. I am left with so much gratitude for what was: the good, the bad, the ugly. I am grateful for this amazing journey, especially now that I get to share it with these two amazing humans.