So, we missed the window this last time, no big deal, I thought. Well, the first two days after getting the news I told myself that this was to be expected, that realistically this could take up to a year, at least. However, the days that followed surprised me. I was definitely in a funk. Perhaps, because things finally got real.  Once you take the leap, the excitement builds and you allow yourself to get a little hopeful, a little higher if you will. But as you know, the higher you get the further you have to fall. I wonder how one maintains emotional sanity through all the ups and downs. I am sure most people will say by leaning on your friends and family, but I am not very good at asking for help, so those few low days were pretty rough. Granted, my disappointment was nothing compared to miscarrying or losing a loved one but the emotions that came up for me were definitely in line with the 5 stages of grief. I actually kind of just stuck with three: anger, depression and acceptance. Anger at my ex for taking away precious time, Depression out of fear that it won't happen, and Acceptance because that is what I do best. You wouldn't think that Acceptance could be a character fault, but in my case, it can be. I am a little too good at accepting people and situations for what and who they are. But that is a story for another time.  So, I finally snapped out of it and got my ass out of bed. "TAKE 2" is now in the works. I went in for another ultrasound the other day and Nurse Kelly said everything looks great. I have a nice clean slate and we should be ready to try again next Tuesday. I also just started taking a hormone that stimulates ovulation and so far I haven't had any side effects. I am not behaving any crazier than usual anyway. I am hopeful that this works sooner rather than later for many reasons. One in particular is related to my travel schedule. As many of you know, I travel on the weekends and these next few months are especially busy. I am gone every weekend, in fact. So I am not sure if I will even be in town for the "right time". But I plan to deal with that when the time comes. Stay tuned for further musings. 

Although this is my very first blog post ever and this blog is meant to relay my journey into motherhood, this is not the beginning of my journey. The more traditional scenarios have come my way but for whatever reason the universe has seen fit to guide me in a different direction. No surprise there. As I begin writing, I am tempted to write my life story, a journey in itself unconventional, but instead I will start with an announcement; "Today I bought some sperm. YAY! Happy sperm day to me." Sperm donor #14511 aka Teacher of the Year is the lucky winner. Some of you have been privy to my intention to go at it alone for quite some time. And others are currently saying to themselves "Woah" or "You go girl!" and some are of course saying " I have a good sample for you. You just had to ask." Very funny. 

I have had a lot of support along the way, but no matter how much support I get from friends and family, I cannot help but think about how lonely this experience can be at times. The irony being that when all is said and done I will have another human being growing inside of me. So the goal of this blog is multi-faceted. First, I imagine that the process of writing about what has contributed to this decision and what will unfold next will be extremely cathartic. Second, I hope that by documenting my journey, the blog might act as a support tool for future Go At It Alone Girls like myself. And last, I think this will be a fun way to share my experiences with my friends and family a long the way.  

However, this is not going to be just a fluffy stuffed animal, cute little toes and smells like baby powder kind of blog. This is going to be a candid look at what it is really like to Go At It Alone. So, if you have a strong stomach then feel free to get on the roller coaster that has been and will be a seriously interesting ride.